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Name: Esther
State: New Jersey
Birthday: 12/22/1987


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Monday, April 28, 2008

There's something very...beautiful about being a student, knowing you are at your 'intellectual peak', quietly writing a simple 10 page paper on an interesting topic, pouring with papers and books which comprises all of the academic knowledge available, listening to the Jack Johnson playing softly in the background, and knowing that the world doesn't realize just how much you have up your sleeve. 


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

We bow our hearts
We bend our knees
Oh Spirit come make us humble
We turn our eyes
From evil things
Oh Lord we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands
and give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
Oh give us clean hands
and give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
Oh God let this be
a generation that seeks
Who seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob
Oh God let us be
a generation that seeks
Who seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob

_____________________

I've always thought this song sounded a little funny and the singing range to broad...but hm, the words are very good.  touches upon many things which i find very relevent.  yep.  Give us clean hands and pure hearts.  thought i'd share that...and encourage everyone to sing it, truly as a prayer, if you have time.  i have been reading this book about God's Sovereignty and yea...just kind of want to stand in awe and brokenness.  The Christian life is so simple.  Just give it all to Jesus.  Trust.  Simple.  Why do we manage to make it so very complex and difficult?  Life is hard and as i get older, i've really began to see that more negative and sad things will happen than good things.  We just need to cling ever closer to the cross.  Never let it go.  Simple.  And there are people in this world how have hurt us and we know logically, that God will deal with them in their own time and that we should still show them love..but deep down, you still harbor resentment and anger.  You've run dry, void of love.  I don't know what to say.  You just need to fill yourself up again with God, only with Him can ever have the hope of loving that person again.  Let go of your pride.  Spirit come make us humble.  Give us pure hearts.  So very simple.  The one fruit of the spirit think I lack is joy.  hm, patience, self control, and gentleness I can understand, but joy?  How can we possibly have joy when so many people around us are suffering and when the sun's not out?  True joy.  The answer is obvious and simple.  and it helps to always be giving thanks.  yep, being continually thankful.  I feel like i'm writing like Hemingway.  simple.  but so very complex. 

..and it took me 3 tries to remember my password for xanga.  so sad.  haha. 


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

So last time I wrote, the 3 baby chicks and 4 eggs had died due to my male bird's sickness and fatigue.  but since that terrible November day, I have set up my female with a new younger male.  In addition, I have done this illegal thing of bringing my birds to school...for them to stay in my apartment..shhh.  don't tell housing.  because i don't really trust my family to be feeding them the right ratios of food/cooking them the right blends of fruits.  anyways...

They laid their first egg today!!!  YAY!   sooo exciting.  =) 

ok, I admit this is weird.  I breed birds in my free time.  hahaha.  but it's so exciting.  hopefully, we'll have cute little baby birds soon! 

It's so nice having them here at college with me.  My apartment-mates love them and my birds have been waking us up at around 8am everyday.  They haven't been loud, so that's very good. 


Friday, December 28, 2007

So, I suppose i should update everyone about my birds.  On Nov 28th, all the baby birds that had hatched all died.  Sort of a intricate story of true love and sacrifice of the highest degree among birds.  hahaha.  yea, i was pretty upset, but after sleeping it off, i was ok.  

Now, Pippi is back in his old cage, and i've nursed him back to health...whilst sort of neglecting Jane.  yea, i have set her up with another bird, Tarzan, and they look promising.  so, just this week, i motivated myself to clean out their cage, fill their nest box with pine shavings, move them to a quiet room, measure out pellets, take out a mineral block and cuttlebone.  I whipped out my special bird mix of seeds, dried fruit,..a nice fresh diet.  And, everyday, at 10am, after a morning read and breakfast, i clean out the cage, cook them vegetables, give them a fresh dish of seeds.  So much work for babies.  but yes, i have been motivated to give this breeding another go.  woot.    that's their status. 

__________________

Pureness

So, i've been thinking a lot recently.  I usually don't think enough...in that, i don't make conclusions.  I think it's important that if you're going to spend a lot of time during a day thinking..you should reach some sort of conclusion..because if you don't..it's kind of a waste of time. 

I was thinking about what innocence and pureness really is.  So, I love watching documentaries.  I went to the library recently and borrowed 7 documentaries (i got my siblings to borrow them..so the video limit didn't stop me!) and I've made a nice pile of books on my desk of readings i need to get done this winter.  I have an excellent list this winter...ranging from Shakespeare, Cormac McCarthy to recent assessments of the US politics..like..Running on Empty by peterson and Blood Money by Miller.  it's awesome.  this winter break..i'm also working on some LSAT studying, organic chem studying, summer missions trip application writing, setting up an internet store for stuff i make with Heidi's help, and hopefully..some some painting and cello practicing.  sounds like a long list, but i'll make sure it's attainable.  ahem, back to what i was thinking.  What does it mean to be pure?  What does it mean to innocent?  (if you want to zone out, this is the time.)  Does it mean to be sexually innocent?  What's the point of that?  ok, i'm getting bored for this topic.  if i feel like it, i'll expound later. 

Ok..so i was also thinking about the privatization of water.  Who owns water?  Does someone have the right to own water?  Currently, the water coming out of our facets is cleaned and processed by the government.  What would happen if water and water treatment were controlled (privatized) by a company...like Poland Springs?  Everyone's like...AHHH!!  Globalization is taking over the world!!  A company is going to take over the world's water and make a huge profit!!  I'd just like to state that privatization of water may not be all that bad.  I mean, sure..the company's out to make money, but they'll only make money if they serve the public well.  Ok, you could bring up the monopoly that would have on water.  It would be utterly inefficient to have two companies competing for the.."water market".  so, in a sense, they would have monopoly.  in addition, water is essential to human life...so they would have monopoly on something we depend on?  <--that's what scares people.   People also bring up..case of when privatization of water failed.  In places like..India, when Pepsi took over a local river, ran it through their plant and sold it in bottles to the villages for a price.  Of course, the people downstream were not too happy; their wells ran dry and the village became desperate.  In the end, the Pepsi company was ran out of the village..with diplomatic intervention..because it really didn't work.  If you bring up this rebuttal..yes, you'll push me against the wall and i'll have to specify my argument.  Privatization to specific to the modernity of a country: it most likely will not work in a less developed country, but it may work quite well in a developed country.  In an modern state, where the state has a responsive governmental system where "polyarchy" is honored, there will always be checks and balances on these companies.  There's no doubt that these water companies would make a huge profit, but how bad would that really be if our water is cleaner, water treatment is more high tech, etc.  If these companies have money, they'll have the resources to hire expert engineers to better design water processing plants to minimize costs, heighten standards, and improve technology.  Right now, we have state workers working at these plants funded by the government.  With the soaring state and national debt, how much money do you really think the government is going to allocate to water research?  As long as clean water is coming out of our facets and the toilet flushes, the mentality will be..if it's not broken, don't fix it.  It may not be broken, but hey, your tax dollars are paying for your ignorance. 

Along the same lines of cleaner water.  There's a huge increase of children with allergies to regular foods like milk and nuts.  The cause?  America is too clean?!  goodness.  fine, i don't want to privatize my water.  i don't want clean water...so my child will be healthier.  yep, it's good to drink tap water because it builds up your immune system.  yay.  No one is ever happy.  that's what so depressing about the world. 

Mormons.  I watched this excellent documentary on Mormons.  Quite an interesting people.  Did you know the Garden of Eden is in Missouri?  The birthplace of Jesus was in Vermont!  ahem, all joking aside.  This group is indeed a growing religious movement in America.  What makes it so attractive?  It's a religion home grown right in the states!  Unlike other religions like Buddhism where we can trace it's Asian origins and Islam from the Arabic Peninsula, Mormonism stated right here in the US.  It was founded in 1820 (i think), and thus, it doesn't have the shroud of history.  In Islam and Christianity, the events that took place so long ago that stories, myth, and fact can meld together.  The Mormons don't have that privilege.  In addition, the Mormon underwent a lot of persecution which ultimately, strengthened their resolve; they were kick out of New York, Missouri, Illinois, and ran westward..out of the US..to Mexico territory (Utah), but ironically, found themselves part of the US again.  haha.  Anyways, i have a weird fascination with the growth of the religion and how as humans, we're so weak to ideas.  I think the reason why Mormonism was able to grow was because they had the Book of Mormon.  without this book, a physical, absolute embodiment of their doctrine, this religion would not have endured since it was founded on such shaky foundations..(a guy found golden tablets and translated them using a special stone and a hat).  I really think this guy, Joseph Smith, is a nice example of human corruption.  He was blatantly having a mistress..and did a very good job covering it up by saying God sent him a revelation that plural marriage was required.  Polygamy (marriage of a man with multiple wives).  Interesting concept.  of course, the Mormon church renounced this practice completely recently...which gave rise to "Mormon fundamentalist".  HAHAHAHA.  what a joke.  ok, so you have the mormon church renouncing polygamy because of the negative connotation it makes as a church in the eyes of the US, and then you have the "fundamentalists" who state that Joseph Smith was the prophet who is to be followed.  Beautiful.  you have another division within a religion in just 20 years.  hysterical.  although it is funny, it's hard to be objective.  I'm sure if i were brought up in a Mormon household, i'd hold to this traditions quite closely.  i think.  humans are very acceptable to ideas and it's hard work to do the research to figure it all out.  Going back the documentary, there's this one women interviewed who is married with a man who has three wives.  she says that polygamy is a good thing, it was a "refining fire", she got too see her "ugly" side when she got jealous of the other wives.  Through polygamy she became a better person, more giving, loving, sharing and patient.  interesting.  very interesting.  I can emphasize.  i think that's something i would say if i were brought up in that culture.  I heard there's a Mormon 2008 presidential candidate.  I should be following this race more closely.  hm. 

Autism.  You know?  I think the mentally retarded are a truly lost people.  they are well hidden in our societies for they are viewed upon as disturbing to the general public.  How fustrating is it that you're living inside this abnormal body, have a functioning brain, and yet, absolutely no way of commuting with the world because of your unresponsive body.  how sad is that.  How difficult must it be to be conscious of the event going around you and yet, trapped and muted by your damaged brain and deformed body.  hm, i've always wondered why God created people that way.  are these people saved too?  How are they saved?  It's not for me to answer.  for those studying neuroscience...go for it.  very interesting field.  what is really consciousness?  scary stuff. 

Globalization is a very interesting topic.  And i honestly haven't come to a conclusion of what i feel about it.  Regardless, it's inevitable.  Ok, this is a question:  Does globalization undermine the power of the state?  I've heard arguments to both sides.  One side has overwhelming support.  (you know?  the funny and bad thing about me is that i like to take the side that no one agrees with it.  i think it's because i like to be different.  but it's dangerous...and flat out wrong sometimes.)  owell.  it's fun.  For purposes of amusement, i'm going to argue that NO, globalization reinforces the power of the state!  With the development of mulistate institutions such as the IMF and WTO, it is true that the state needs to adhere to regulations that these institutions lay out.  However, this does not undermine state power.  It simply REDEFINES state power.  The state is as powerful as ever..just in a different way.  they have to direct their power to the enforcement of rules set by institutions.  drat.  i ran in full circle.  stupid.  Ok, i'll finish this later.

Racism.  yes, i believe there is racism in the US and that no matter what you do, it was always be there.  but you should still try to limit it...but know that it is prevalent and strongly entrenched.  Specifically, i'm talking about African American racism.  so, i read somewhere that there is something that the jury can do to "nullify the law" even if a defendant is clearly guilty if the law is unjust or unjust in application.  For example, during the Prohibition, when alcohol was illegal...person A would drink alcohol for a religious holiday.  Person A has clearly broken the law, but the jury has the power to "nullify the law" because the law in this context is rather unjust.  Recently, this option of nullifying the law has been used when black are convicted of having illegal drugs.  They're argument is that they have grown up in an environment in which they have had no chose but to participate in illegal actions.  they are a product of their environment.  Oh, i should add that the option of nullification can only be applied to nonviolent convictions.  Car stealing/drug dealing/etc would be considered nonviolent.  Manslaughter is violent.  Do you think that because black are disadvantaged in a white majority society...they should make an overt option for blacks to be nullified from the law?  I say no.  i don't think anyone should be "above the law".  You can't make a law that one majority will follow and another group won't...EVEN if the system is rigged so that the minority has the advantage.  If there is such a law, it shouldn't be followed at all.  Overthrow it.  Write another one.  The issue in question should not be the law, rather, I believe it would be a better investment to improve the environment and society in which black American live.  This would allow minority groups more choices and options for a future.  Although it can be true that the evil committed are products of a desperate lifestyle, the law should still stand.  Through improving the situations and promoting more inequality, blacks can be given more choices, courses of actions that do not break the law.  However, if they do disobey, given these parameters, it would be better to grant pardon and mercy to a victim than to nullify the law.  You're going make the whole government fall apart if you don't follow laws...so that's bad.  Oh...this talk about racism relates very well to women's rights.  I read the Seneca Falls Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions.  First, i laughed, then i get really angry.  Stupid women.  man, they get me so angry!!  HA.  "Men and women are created equal."  ok, just how far do you except to get with that?  The people with power do not give up its power unless it somehow benefits itself.  yea, men are just going to give you women rights, hand it to you guys on a silver platter with pretty flowers on the side. 

1800s British philosopher: John Stuart Mills.  VERY interesting guy.  he's a joke.  I wish he were still alive.  I'd love to talk to him. I'd love to agrue with him.  ok, an overview of what he believes: Men should pursue happiness, pursue ANYTHING he wants.  Men should have complete freedom.  What is the role of government?  The government is to protect the man's ability to pursue happiness.  The government has a right and role to limit a man's freedom ONLY and ONLY WHEN what the man is doing is physically harming to another person.  i find this idea very interesting.  The argument i heard is...is it right to show a child porngraphy?  According to Mills, its good.  if a parent wants to show it, the parent has the right and the liberty to do so.  if the child want to see it, he has the right.  Mills never brings up psychological harm.  if i had to attack his view, i would start there. 

Yea, i had a lot building up inside me..and i just had to let some out because i have no one to discuss these issues with.  =(  in a way, this stuff doesn't matter.  but hey, if you're going to talk about how so and so is doing such and such, why not waste time talking about world issues!?  yay!  hehe...i'm not going to proofread what i wrote, and i'm sorry if my arguments are incomplete.  if you need any references or a list of works cited, let me know.  if not, these 2 hours have been quite therapeutic for me.       

Oh, i have a question.  do you think there will ever be an issue that will unite the entire world..i mean, that all states would be willing to send reps to discuss and solve the problem?  Terrorism?  Endangered animals?  Economy?  Politics?  Global warming!?  Ok..the only ones i thought were pretty good were....yea..global warming or..some terrible global dealthy epidemic.  it'll have to be really urgent tho.  OOH.  I have it..an alien invasion!!  that would be a global issue.  i'm going to go sleep. 


Saturday, November 17, 2007

P1050574

A picture is worth a thousand words.  and this would be such a picture. 

 

_____________________________

I'm so excited, so happy!

Jane must have been keeping them quite warm because the eggs hatched a week before schedule.  The first one hatched yesterday morning and the second one hatched last night.  I would take more pictures but this is a critical time, i didn't want to risk exposing the nest to cold air, light, and germs/bacteria.  but, the mother and father are doing very very well also.  Since this is the only picture we have, I'll help you interpret.  The darker red chick is 12 hours old, and the lighter one (more dried off) is 24 hours old.  My guess is that the egg next to them will hatch within the next day as well!!  Again, parakeets keep their eggs on a rotation and by priority level.  Jane's been keeping the other four to the side, periodically warming them.  Here's some sad news: if you look carefully at the two middle eggs, you'll see that they have darkened.  Those two have rotted, because those were not fertile.  It's still too late to tell if the outer two are fertile, but i hope they are!!!  Even there are only 3 chicks, this would be more than enough.  smile. 

Within the next few days, the chicks will get a little, funny looking yellow fuzz.  by 10 days, their eyes and beaks will open, and their feathers will start growing in..and they'll look the cutest then.  but even now, small, delicate, naked, blind, deaf, and mute...they're the cutest little babies in the world to me.  sigh. 

hehehe..i'm thinking of names for these little babies.  what should i name them?  Unforunately, you can't tell what gender they are until a month after.  oh, I can't wait to see what colors they're going to be!! 

____________________

-edit/update-

I think i forgot to announce this to the general public but there is....

THREE!! 

This one hatched on Sunday during church.  hehe.  Sunday baby.  Ok, one more egg left...one more suprise or disappointment left. 



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